White day
I woke up early with the wailing of the cat, and couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't feel like going out, I didn't feel like staying home. I ended up taking the day to do things I should have done before: reviewing the introduction of my book. I had a birthday lunch for a co-worker, and that was a good enough excuse for me to turn down the invitation. This is a weird mood I am on. I know I should be going out and trying to have a life. Yet, it seems too much of an effort. My patience for social events is shorter than ever. I have been in a bluer than blue mood these days. I feel lonelier than ever. But I am not drowning myself in pools of self-pity, especially because I am fully conscious that I am choosing to be alone right now. It is funny, but some of the people I know for so long seem to be talking a foreign language. I can only follow their train of thought for a while, and then I become distracted and go back to my own private musings, while keeping a face that try to reflect profound interest in all that is being said. This is not fair to them. Right now, I feel more connected to people who are physically far away. With them, it seems that I don't have to work on a adequate presentation of myself. And this is extremely comforting and relaxing.
2 Comments:
you know what, thats how I felt every second of the day...
sometimes I hope that all of us one day would be sitting and chatting while sipping coffee cos I guess my bloggers friends understand me well...
and sometimes, as I walk with my friends or hang out with them, they talk in a completely different language and my body seems like tagging along but my mind is wondering what stuff to type about and post, what stuff would my fellow bloggers be posting and the recent posts that made me think deep about life...
and its still funny that thing lonesome, sometimes bugs us, but its our pick, its our mood, we try to escape from the real world and the best thing to do is sit alone in silence and wonder about things that supposed to happen but would have to take millions of chances to actually happen...
I guess thats how my cosmic world is an escapade from my real life, but its a linkage to such beautiful people with golden hearts...
lots of love
abby latif
Perhaps a long vacation is in order, Madam? To a place far, far away from work and social obligations? Whatever the case, I do hope you feel better eventually...:)
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