Day One
This is the first day of following sunday's resolutions. So far, I have been only partly sucessful. I finally managed to retreat to my own shell, not without war casualties. It only made clearer to me that I was right in crawling back to that safe and deserted place. Half of the day, I managed to grab the bull by the horns, as I wanted. Half of the day, I lost in a dreamlike daze. I'd better say, in a nightmarish daze. I still jump everytime the phone rings on my desk. I still jump when I find little notes with phone messages taken by our secretary. I still jump when I listen to my voice mail. I still jump in defense position. I was going to say that I jump like a hurt lioness, but nothing more distant from a lioness than me. I jump like a scared kitten, most probably.
I am sticking to the real world with pilates lessons. Nothing can be more concrete than my overstretched muscles, and no pain more tangible. Pilates lessons, bank bills, and feverish writing help me keep anchored to the ground.
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