A Cup of Coffee

Thoughts and wings

Discipline of thought is an entirely new concept to me. So far, I had always taken for granted that thoughts were like a pack of birds, wild, noisy and totally out of control, almost like the flying monsters in Hitchcock's movie. I have indulged on daydreaming, even in day-nightmaring. Lately, I was told that it didn't have to be that way, and I decided to try it. I am far from excelling at it, but I have been exercising.

It is not a matter of supressing or repressing my claims and desires. That would be vain. Muffled feelings have a way to scream back at you in the more inconvenient moments. It is much better to know where they reside. As I understand it, for a person like me, discipline of thought has to do with focusing on what I have achieved and possess rather than on what I lack or miss. I don't want to sound like an old hippie (and I do clarify that I used to take my daily shower even when I looked like one), but we live in a very materialistic oriented society. We are taught to crave things since we can barely understand the language of television. A very shallow example from today's Brazil: changing cell phones is almost a fad here. In less than one year, people feel the urge to get a newer model, with even more features than the older one. Do we need new cell phones every year? I don't think so, but they are so cool, the newer ones, that it becomes something very similar to a need. We don't usually resist.

But I am not talking about cell phones, or plasma tvs or ipods or any other fascinating little gadget. Just making a comparison. We concentrate too much on the newer cell phone we still don't have and don't truly pay attention to the very reliable model we have at hand. I am talking about other territories of life too. Those who are single suffer because they are not married. Those that are married may suffer because they still have no children. Those who have children suffer because they have no sleep (hmmm, I am just making a bad joke here...). It seems that we are always suffering from the lack of something in our lives. A new lover. A new goal. A new job. A distant friend. The long lost youth. Admiration. Peace and quiet. And what we don't have screams at us. There were days in which I felt that I walked around the streets waving a flag proclaiming what I lacked, and that this turned me in the eyes of the world into some kind of mythological beast.

So the exercise of my thoughts is an attempt to see my life the other way around. I have been trying to focus on the sweet whispers of my own particular treasures, the warmth from friends who don't impose terms and conditions to their affection rather than the ones I have lost for good. The curiosity and gentleness of my daughter rather than her flightness and bad school performance. Support rather than rejection. Patches of blue sky rather than the clouds. A new found faith rather than despair. I am not telling you it is simple, or that I can do it all the time. But looking at my personal landscape from a different angle has been bringing me much closer to something I've always lacked called "harmony". 

posted by Livia de Almeida @ 3:59 PM