The hard facts
"I am tired", I confessed to a friend. Dreadfully tired, emotionally exhausted, drained dry. Maybe I hoped for a pat on the shoulder -- what is wrong with a pat on the shoulder after all? -- instead, I got seriously scolded. There are job changes in motion, relationships that bloom and wither, taxes to be paid, lives that turn upside down in a matter of weeks, for better or for worse. Concrete matters, I heard, the stuff that really matters, not my usual kind of existential nonsense. I apologized. I am sorry. My life has been of late painfully lacking in meaningful events, even an interesting sequence of facts. What I would like to share these days are not true happenings, just perceptions and timy discoveries that don't belong to the outside world. They just come from my mind and my heart. Maybe these are not really meant to be shared. Maybe that is why I feel so tired, so exhausted from having heard everyone's stories and being unable to share mine. Maybe this is the reason behind the writing of a journal of non-facts.
Here is a non-fact to be examined. How would I be able to make sense of it to anyone? There is a sore little spot on my heart, the size of a pinhead. It aches sharply as it bleeds slowly, drop by drop. It is not a drama, I know.. Hearts are broken violently and silently every single day. Mine is still whole and healthy. It just slightly aches for people I love and miss.I miss the ones who are far away. I miss the ones who are near, and so busy with their own businesses. I miss even the ones who have taken me for granted -- I wish they hadn't, but what can I do? I know, I know. As I say to my kids, life is not a pizza. When you are dealing with feelings, it is no use to ask for a fair share. You should give what you feel like giving and it is never a given that you will get it back.
It is late, and I write not in order to find sympathy, exceeding warmth, a fire. Tonight a simple matchstick would do. Or maybe nothing more intense than a pat on the back.
3 Comments:
Livia, everyone’s drama is a drama within our own world. And for that, it should be at least, understood and respected.
What probably drains you today is the result of a sequence of small (or even one eventually serious) events that have been pilling up alongside your journey, and it is all right (and expected) that some day you will realized you are just too tired to cope with even the anticipation of any drop of inconvenience.
At those times, a pat on the shoulder is not only the best medicine, but the one I would prescribe you if I were a doctor. In worse cases, a shoulder to cry on should be even required…
Should I be asked to give you an advice, revert to the persons you usually confide to “cross the avenues of the world”, and just ask them to hold your hand. That should suffice to recharge you for another week filled with “stuff that really matters or less meaningful events”.
Luv.
Carla.
Thank you, Carla. This is pretty generous advice. ;-)
Sister, deixei recadinho nas suas fotos do far up, vai lá ver!!
A resposta da carla foi 10 mesmo!! E vc mesma disse, lidar c emoções num é fácil... mas sabe o q acho??? Quem tá VIVO sente!!! Parece simples e lógico, mas num é naum!!! Tem muita gente covarde q corre dos sentimentos e da vida!!! U know what I mean!! E como vc já me disse, sou a Rita Lee versão morena e prefiro sempre sempre sentir, seja alegria, melancolia, raiva, etc. O importante é fazer barulho nessa babilônia e dizer "Gentem, viver é bom demais!!!!"
UP UP UP sempre!!!
beijoca
luv u 2
Claudinha
"La Femme Champingon"
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