A Cup of Coffee

Of tides and friends

My kids taught me lots of things. One of the most important of them
was that we can love many, many people at the same time, and don't love
any less for that. I often get asked if I have a favorite among my
trio, and I truthfully can say, no, I don't. There is so much that is
different in them, so much that I appreciate, that I cannot imagine my
life without the good nature of Luiz, Bernardo's sarcasm and the
multiple demonstrations of affection of Belle. There is just so much
that is good and so particular in each of them, and that makes me hope
that I can follow their growth, help them follow their own paths if
they need, and see the kind of people they will become. If I had three
more children, I think I would feel the same way.

The same goes to my friends, and I can't understand for the life of
me people who rank their relations. And I have met a few that do that.
The last conversation I had with my grandmother, during our Christmas
vacation, was about friendship. I always admired her for the number and
variety of people she managed to gather around her, and I told her
about that. I was sitting on a park bench, she was on her wheelchair,
and that was one of the few sunny days we had in that trip. She had
noticed that I looked kinda sad, and asked why. Much to my own
surprise, I proceeded to describe in details my bumpy relationship with
a particular friend. "Grandma, I feel like crap. I feel rejected", I
sighed. "Don't! Friends don't reject each other", and then she winked.
"That is exclusively for lovers". (I have to add that this came from
the woman that went to the surgery room advising me to give some
"special" attention to a handsome anaesthesist).

Grandmother then started telling me how we can love so many people
at the same time. "But friendship is not static", she explained. "It is
like the tides, the movement of the sea. Sometimes the waves draw
closer to the shore, sometimes they recede. Sometimes you are drawn
closer to some people, sometimes you have to allow yourself to draw
away from them, or let them draw away for a while, and if they are
really your friends, they will be willing to take you back when the
tide turns, and you will be willing to welcome them back too. It is all
about movement, theirs and yours. There is time for questions and time
for answers, I guess". She told me to go out and be more open to
people. "If you have many people that care for you and that you care
for, it won't be a pain to allow these movements to be, theirs and
yours, there will be no guilt, no blame".

I have been trying to follow my grandmother's advice. I wasn't
prepared to do so at that time, but I have been finding out that the
whole way I behave has been changing. I have never met so many people
in my life. I don't know if they are going to become real friends, but
the first step is done.

posted by Livia de Almeida @ 7:20 PM